Key Signs That You Might Need Relationship Counselling

Couples coming to relationship counselling do so for a variety of reasons. There are no end of environmental factors putting pressure on couples today from stretched family budgets, through pressure at work or interference from family and friends. Perhaps couples feel that relationship counselling is only for those couples in which there is infidelity or where splitting up is imminent. While these are serious crisis and things that can be addressed in relationship counselling they are not the only reason you might want to book a session.

If any of the following are true in your relationship then you should seriously consider getting outside help, such as counselling for your relationship.

If there is any sort of abuse: emotional, physical or sexual. Remember that abuse is not limited to domestic violence, abuse can be emotional too. Perhaps your partner always runs you down or threatens to leave you with the children unless you bend to their will. If one partner is using their power to coerce or force you to act in a way you are uncomfortable with then you should get help. Abuse is not okay ever and you need help to get it stopped.

If you find yourself fighting with your partner all of the time constantly finding faults… If your conversation has become a list of why you dislike your partner… It is a real sign of a problem and counselling can help you to reconnect and communicate in a more effective way including discussing ‘faults’

You feel that you are flat-mates more than a couple. You lead almost separate lives and rarely if ever do anything together. Perhaps that you feel you watch TV at night on the sofa together, but even this is a separation of sorts as you are not interacting with each other. Perhaps it is just a pattern that you have slipped into; however, many have found that relationship counselling has rekindled that love that you had at the start.

I have left infidelity till last; I imagine that every couple would recognise it as a danger to their relationship. Infidelity disclosed or not will make a difference to your relationship. One partner will be less engaged in the relationship. The other partner can feel a range of feelings rejection, anger, frustration and betrayal. It represents a huge crisis and you need to address it either by open honest communication or through relationship counselling.

Relationship Counselling: Is It for Us?

Relationship counselling, also known as marriage counselling or couple therapy, originated fairly recently in Germany in the 1920’s. Today it is a popular form of therapy in many countries, and stigma associated with relationship counselling is rapidly disappearing, perhaps because most people who have been or who are presently in a committed relationship, are well aware how complicated in can be to share life with another person for good and for bad. The purpose of relationship counselling is to improve communication, resolve conflicts and strengthen the connection between you and your significant other.

Is This Type of Counselling for You and Your Partner?

Couples seek counseling for many different reasons. These include:

  • Poor communication
  • Infidelity
  • Trauma
  • Substance abuse (e.g. alcohol abuse)
  • Emotional or violent abuse
  • Anger and resentment towards each other
  • Trust issues
  • Inability to overcome past events
  • Cultural disagreements
  • Lack of sexual interest
  • Parenting doubts
  • Chronic illness
  • Separation and divorce
  • and many others.

During a couple therapy session, both partners will be given equal opportunity to share their views and opinions, and the therapist will listen, ask relevant questions and make suggestions for compromise and positive change. Your therapist will not pretend to know you, your partner or your relationship better than you do, but as an objective third person with a mental health background and professional experience, he or she will be able to pinpoint communication flaws, emotional blind-spots and conflicting value systems that are detrimental to the health and growth of your relationship.

Relationship Counselling is NOT For Everyone

Relationship counselling is not suitable for everyone. Some people begin this type of counselling with the illusion that they will be able to better control or change their partner. However, manipulation and ego-centric purposes have no place in therapy. Relationship counselling is meant to be beneficial for all the individuals in the relationship. Do not expect the counsellor to take sides or act as a judge to determine what is right and what is wrong in different situations. For positive results in relationship counselling, both partners must learn to take responsibility for their own actions and feelings, and they must be able to recognize and acknowledge that each person in the therapeutic relationship (including the counsellor) is a worthy and independent human being with a unique personality, background, perception, set of values, and belief systems.

When Relationship Counselling Becomes a Necessity

It is natural for the majority of relationships to go through some rough patches from time to time. Unfortunately, if these difficult situations are not resolved to both partners satisfaction, they can eventually lead to malfunction and self-reinforcing maladaptive patterns. These patterns are sometimes called negative interaction cycles, and they can be incredible difficult to break once they have settled well into your daily routines and interaction with each other. There are many possible reasons for these patterns to persist, including insecure attachment, ego, low self-esteem, unresolved anger issues, jealousy, poor communication or problem solving skills, etc. Furthermore, significant changes in financial status, physical health, family matters, or a relocation to another country, can also have a profound and negative impact on a relationship.

A relationship that is not healthy will manifest symptoms such as poor communication, aggression, infidelity, lack of trust, heated unresolved arguments or indifference, lack of interest (including sexual) in the other, and lack of shared joyous moments. The individuals in an unhealthy relationship can after a while experience prolonged sadness, anxiety, fatigue, feelings of anger and resentment towards the other, irritability, lack of motivation, severe mood swings, and a sense of hopelessness. When a relationship has come to this level of dissatisfaction, the last and only hope for saving the relationship may be relationship counselling. Hopefully, it will not be too late for you to heal.

Get Your Partner to Agree to Relationship Counseling

At this time couples appear extra desperate to attempt to new things, that makes counseling an excellent option. Early counseling may even best thing for couple, which can help effectively to prevent a future divorce. Many couples married years ago appear less prone to go for counseling or attempt new approaches, maybe as a result of it was not one thing generally accomplished once they were younger. Fairly often marriages of thirty or forty years now finish in divorce, and that is a disgrace as a result of they will never know if relationship counseling might have helped save the marriage.

In case you really feel like you need relationship counseling, make sure to as your partner to visit counseling with you in a non-judgmental manner. In case you ask her or him to go to counseling in a great way because it looks like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you are likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Attempt to make it clear that you really want the counseling for your self if nothing else.

When you ask your partner to visit counseling as a result of you have some issues you might want to work on, they are extra more likely to view the concept favorably. Clarify that you just assume you want some assist to have the ability to contribute more to the relationship, and to discover ways to be a greater partner or spouse. Do not accuse partner of want counseling. Even when you consider that they’re most of the problem, don not say so. When you’re in relationship counseling, they are going to be taught ideas and methods and strategies for being much better inside the relationship, simply as you will.

Don not be afraid to recommend relationship counseling, whether or not you have been within the relationship for three months, those who are victims of the ailment years or for instance decades. It is by no means really too late to attempt counseling to resolve problems. Also it is by no means too late to attempt to preserve small issues from turning into huge ones. If the relationship is comparatively new, you would possibly assume that you simply are admitting to issues and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. However that’s not true. But dealing with any obstacles now, you are making the relationship stronger within the long run.

In case your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling implies that the relationship is not excellent, and possibly even is doomed, calmly clarify that that isn’t true. Simply since you’re prepared to confess that every part is ideal reveals that you are just willing to make essential adjustments to maintain the opposite person and yourself happy.

When your partner refuses, just go in your own. While the counseling would work finest if you both go, you’ll be able to go and work on issues to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they more possibly are willing try it.